The Robersons

2010-04-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

8 days
1 month

2 months

3 months
4 months

I can't believe it's been 4 months since I pushed this precious boy out into the world. Our lives have changed in almost every way imaginable, and, really, we couldn't be happier about it. Having a baby is the best thing I've ever done. My soul feels more fulfilled than it ever has. My heart is bigger, fuller, happier. I am in love with motherhood.

More importantly, I feel time slipping so quickly away from me and I desperately want to remember these days--as challenging as they may be sometimes. So I am setting a goal to write in this blog at least a few times a week. We'll see how it goes!

Introducing Orrin Gray

2010-01-06T15:54:00.001-08:00

Our beautiful boy was born at home December 16th, 2009 at 7:39 PM. He was 7lbs, 8oz 20.5 inches. I am happy to say that his birth was by far the most positive and empowering experience of my life, with, of course, the greatest reward I could ever ask for.

I had my 39 week appointment on Monday the 14th, and decided to have an internal exam out of curiosity. I had been having lots of “signs” of labor for the past week, including a couple hours of painful contractions on Saturday morning, so I was hoping that something was happening. My cervix was still very high, posterior, and only a fingertip dilated, so Patricia (my midwife) thought it was likely I would make it at least until my due date, though of course anything was possible, since cervical checks don’t really mean much.

After that, I sort of relaxed and stopped thinking about labor so much. The next day, Jesse and I slept in really late and then stayed in bed together extra long. We were both really tired all day (despite our extra sleep) and aside from cleaning the house, we spent a lot of time just relaxing. I started noticing some strong, but painless contractions around the middle of the day, but I figured they were just from the bending and stretching I had been doing while cleaning.

For dinner, we decided to try combining some of the foods that are rumored to encourage labor, just for fun—so we had pizza with pineapple and added some basil and oregano. I was still having contractions, which seemed to be coming pretty frequently, but I didn’t bother timing them. I had spent so much time thinking that something was about to happen that I was really trying to accept the idea of being pregnant another week. At some point, I fell asleep and the contractions continued. I slept pretty restlessly, and in all of my dreams I was definitely in labor.

At around 4 am, I was woken up by a contraction that was officially painful. I had to get up a few times after that to go to the bathroom, where my bowels seemed to be cleaning themselves out. The contractions were continuing, and I was at the point where I was squirming through them, but I was still unconvinced. After the similar episode on Saturday, I figured it was another false alarm. I got in the shower to see if they would go away, but they continued to be really strong and uncomfortable and were noticeably following a pattern.

After that, I decided to stay up and start timing them on the handy iphone app I had downloaded the week before. They were an average of 5 minutes apart and not letting up, so at around 6, I started to alert the “birth team”—my midwife and my mom. I was still skeptical that this was it, so both of them said they would check with me again in an hour. I tried to eat some oatmeal and kept timing contractions, which quickly increased to every four minutes. By the time an hour had passed, they were getting stronger as well, so everyone started mobilizing.

I was still in disbelief, and worried that Patricia would drive the hour or so out to us and everything would stop, but she seemed pretty confident that this was the real deal. At some point as she was on her way, she called to tell me that she was driving right into a rainbow. I found that so significant, since subsequent pregnancies after loss are often referred to as rainbow babies in the baby loss community. They are the rainbow that comes after the storm of losing a baby—and this boy has certainly brought a sort of beauty to our lives that did not exist before.

My mom showed up first, with snacks, vitamin water, and bags packed. I was so happy to see her, and she quickly got me to start listening to my Hypnobabies scripts, as the contractions were getting more and more intense. It was hard to focus on at first, since I felt so normal in between contractions and still wanted to socialize with her and Jesse. I took bits and pieces of it to work through the pain at first---I noticed a huge difference in the pain when I focused on relaxing my face, hands, and pelvic floor, and of course focusing on “open, open, open.”

Patricia and her apprentice, Kailia showed up around 10:30, and I immediately noticed a decrease in contractions, which she said was totally normal. They took my vitals and listened to baby, and I decided to have an exam for curiosity’s sake. My cervix was still high and posterior, so we knew we still had a ways to go. They decided to go out to breakfast and let me labor awhile without them.

After they left, the contractions picked up again almost immediately. I labored on the birth ball, and then with the birth ball under my butt as I leaned over the recliner, surrounded by pillows. We put Hypnobabies back on, and I started focusing on it more seriously. Jesse and my mom were bringing me whatever I needed, but I was slowly becoming less aware of what was going on around me. The contractions were much easier to handle when I was in my “zone” and really able to focus on relaxing.

At one point, after a particularly strong contraction, I had a really big cry. I had been feeling tears bubbling up here and there and knew I just needed to get it out. There wasn’t really any specific thought behind it, I was just overwhelmed with emotion. Undoubtedly it was part grief over my last birth experience, part joy that we had reached this moment, and a little bit of fear and anxiety over everything that could still go wrong. Once I got it out, though, I was really able to move past it and think positively.

After a couple hours or so, I had moved to the couch and was really having to breathe and focus through each wave. At some point, I had a couple right on top of one another, and my mom decided to call the midwives to let them know that things were progressing. They headed back over, and this time, the contractions did not let up when they arrived.

Kailia came over to listen to the baby, who was consistently sounding great. I had another big contraction and then felt a pop and a gush as my water broke! For some reason, it wasn’t really until this point that I actually started to believe I was in labor. We stuck a towel between my legs and I waddled to the bathroom to let the rest of the fluid out in the toilet. There was some light meconium staining, which worried me a little, but Patricia wasn’t concerned.

I thought about taking a shower, but there was no hot water since Patricia and Kailia had already started filling the pool, so I headed back to the couch for awhile. I had no concept of time anymore at this point, it was all about breathing and/or “singing” through each contraction until the next break. When the pool was ready, the walk from the living room to the bedroom seemed extremely long. My mom walked with me, pausing two separate times as I had to lean against the wall and try to relax through the pain.

The water was amazing. I don’t know how people labor without it! It was awesome to be able to move into different positions without so much gravity. I seemed to want to be up on my knees with my legs spread apart most of the time. Things started to get really intense pretty soon after getting in, and I started to find new ways to work through it. Jesse was an amazing support. At one point, I would sit up, hold his hands, and pull against him through each contraction—his poor arms got so tired! He would also hold my head up during the breaks.

After some time and a ton of really intense contractions, I started to feel really tired and ready for it all to be over. I remember thinking, “awesome! I must be in transition!” Patricia said the worst I ever said was “I don’t like this anymore.” I never felt like I couldn’t do it, just that I wanted to be done. I was so consciously aware of what was going on in my body and was thinking totally logical things in my head, but I was very much inside myself, if that makes sense. In between contractions sometimes I would look around and realize that everyone was just sitting around me, waiting.

Soon it started to feel better to push with contractions, but Patricia advised me to wait until my body was bearing down on it’s own, just in case I had a little bit more dilating to do. Soon enough, I could do nothing but push, and the contractions were less painful and felt more productive. I seemed to feel him at my tailbone for a long time and when he finally moved down past that point, I started to get impatient.

I pushed for what seemed like forever. I have no idea how long it actually was. He seemed to move down a little bit and then move back up. When I was finally able to feel his head with my fingers, I got more determined. Crowning was the hardest part of the entire labor for me, as I felt like I was going to tear badly towards the front. I hesitated while his head was about halfway through, and Patricia told me to just push past the pain. I think I screamed a little bit, but I did it, and suddenly his head was out! She saw “cords” around his neck, so she got behind me as I pushed again and his body slid out. Orrin Gray was born at 7:39 PM! She spun him out of his cord, which was around his neck twice, and then pushed him under me so Jesse and I could pull him out of the water.
He came out of the water crying, but quieted down really quickly when we started talking to him. It was such an amazing moment to finally hold this baby who we had waited so long for. At the same time, I was still sort of in shock and so relieved that the labor was over, it was hard to process that this was actually our baby! We stayed in the tub awhile—he was really alert and spent a lot of time staring at us. He also pooped for the first of what would be many times over the next few hours.

I got out of the pool to wait for the placenta, which I eventually pushed out into a bowl. I was amazed at how much lighter I felt afterwards. It was pretty surreal to NOT be pregnant anymore. Instead of cutting the umbilical cord, Patricia used two beeswax candles to burn it. In traditional Chinese medicine, they believe we are only born with so much chi, and some of it is supposedly held in the placenta. Burning the cord is supposed to draw the rest of the chi back into the baby. There is also something in the cord that sometimes pops and blows out both the candles, which happened pretty quickly with Orrin’s cord.

After he was officially his own person, the midwives did the newborn exam. He weighed in at 7 pounds, 8 ounces (after about 3 poops!), and was 20.5 inches long. They heard an arrhythmia in his heart initially, which scared us a little, but it was thankfully gone by the 24 hour visit.

I had some minor tearing and ended up with 4 stitches—a small price to pay for my beautiful, healthy boy and a perfect birth. After stitching me up, the midwives started cleaning up…including emptying the pool by hand with large pots (Patricia forgot her pump)! After they were done and we had all eaten some dinner, they headed home and left us in bed with our new little bundle.

I’m so thankful to have had the birth experience we wanted and planned for. I’ve had people ask me skeptically if the Hypnobabies program actually worked when it came down to it, and I can honestly say that it was an invaluable part of my experience. I can’t say it was completely pain free, but it definitely put me in a mindset that made it much easier to deal with. I am totally sold on it’s effectiveness, and I will be recommending it to everyone I know!

The first three weeks of Orrin’s life have been a whirlwind and I can’t believe how quickly time is already passing. He is an amazing little being who has already brought so much joy to our lives. Not to mention he is incredibly easy going and really only cries when he’s hungry. He nurses like a champ, and had already surpassed his birth weight at his 1-week visit. I am so looking forward to watching him grow…it’s an amazing feeling to be a mother!

updates

2009-10-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been awhile, hasn't it? So much for keeping up with the weekly updates.
The weeks are sort of flying by and honestly this pregnancy has started to feel much like a waiting game--like not much else can really happen until I get this baby here alive and well.
So far, everything is going perfectly (but every time I say that I still feel like I should knock on wood). I had an appointment with the midwife this week and everything is right on track. The belly is measuring right on at 31 weeks, baby's heart sounds great, and he was in perfect position at the time (although I'm quite sure he's rearranged a few times since then). He is getting HUGE in there and frequently has feet, knees, or some other body part wedged up in my ribs. It's hard to believe he is going to get bigger!
We got to take a peek at him in 3D at our 22 week ultrasound...

I'm sure he has grown and changed a lot in the last 10(ish) weeks, but I am still so enamored with his little face. :) I am getting so excited (and impatient!) to meet him. December seems so close now and yet it feels like it will never come. I feel like I have lots to do to prepare though, so I do a lot of alternating between wanting time to speed up and wanting it to slow down.
Must go eat some dinner, but here is the "weekly" survey for good measure:

How far along? 31 weeks 4 days
Maternity clothes? an absolute must
Sleep: Getting much more difficult and requires a nest of pillows
Best moment this week: Watching the belly jump with baby hiccups
Movement: Lots! Big rolling movements and definite distinction between body parts.
Food cravings: Cheese puffs (the really puffy kind that sort of melt in your mouth? I still have yet to eat any since the heartburn would likely be unbearable)
Gender: boy!
Labor Signs: Having early "practice" contractions
Belly Button in or out? Still in!
What I miss: Bending over/breathing/sleeping with ease
What I am looking forward to: Giving birth! Meeting the boy! Baby shower in a couple of weeks!
Weekly Wisdom: I have nothing right now.
Milestones: So many since the last post, but this week? Standing at work has officially gotten uncomfortable.

two zero

2009-08-02T21:14:00.000-07:00

New weekly survey that I may or may not keep up with...

How far along? 20 weeks! Halfway there...
Maternity clothes? most definitely
Sleep: My favorite thing.
Best moment this week: Jesse feeling kicks last night!! Also, taking the babe as my date to a friend's wedding. ;)
Movement: Getting strong enough to feel from the outside.
Food cravings: Chocolate. As usual.
Gender: boy!
Labor Signs: None, thank god.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: Margaritas!
What I am looking forward to: Seeing the little one again, building the cloth diaper stash. ;)
Weekly Wisdom: Vanilla ice cream is the best cure for prego heartburn!
Milestones: Making it to the halfway point. Jesse feeling kicks!

holy baby update, batman

2009-07-27T17:27:00.001-07:00

I have obviously been slacking on the baby updates. We had our 16 week ultrasound (3 weeks ago!) and baby proudly showed off his "beautiful spine" and healthy brain. Oh, and the sonographer said she was 90% sure that it's a BOY.

In the past three weeks, the tiny flutters I was feeling have morphed into full-blown kicks, my belly has turned into a constantly expanding entity that changes shape throughout the day, and I am already developing an obsession with cushy cloth diapers. Did I mention the boy already has a potential name (Orrin, though the spelling and middle name are still up for debate) and quite the healthy start to a wardrobe?

All that, and I still don't really believe that we're going to have a baby. Not quite. It's one of those terrible perks to being a part of the dead baby club--you are fully aware of everything that can go wrong, and you know IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. It can, and I am not under any illusions that tragedy can't or won't strike twice, either. Believe me, I would rather not feel like this. How I would love to have just an ounce of my old innocence back, that blind faith that pregnancy automatically equals baby. That absurd notion that of course things went wrong, babies died, but not to me, not my baby. It's all just a big gamble to me now. I am holding my breath, in a sense, until that baby is screaming his head off in the outside world.

I don't think I have looked forward to Christmas time so much since I was a little kid.

For fun, a three week progression of the belly:

Funny that it looks the biggest at 17 weeks. That was when it really started popping out, and has been rounding out more in the last couple weeks. It is also frequently bigger on one side (where baby is laying) and can grow or shrink a few inches depending on any bloat that may happen. Don't mind my ridiculously tired/half dead look...growing this one on top of a busy summer at work is taking it out of me.

a little baby and a big move

2009-06-11T17:07:00.001-07:00

Little number 2 is more than 12 weeks old already! We had our second ultrasound on Monday and got to see baby kicking away. The little one was measuring 3 days ahead (go baby!) and so far, does not exhibit any signs of neural tube defects, though it's still very early to see much. In 4 weeks we will be able to have a full anatomy scan and they can fairly confidently rule out (we hope) spina bifida. We should also hopefully be able to find out the sex, though "healthy baby" is all I really need to hear. After that, we will have one more scan at 20 weeks, to look at everything that will still be too small at 16, and then (fingers crossed) we will be done with the specialists!

So far, this pregnancy has been very easy and similar to my last in lots of ways. It makes me wonder if this is another girl, but I'm not getting a clear vibe this time. It changes day to day. We will know soon enough!

In all this time I have been slacking on blogging, a lot has been changing for us. Jesse lost his job the day after we found out we were pregnant again, and after a series of events, we are finding ourselves migrating back to the coast. The last time we tried it, we got good jobs, but had trouble finding a place to live (we were staying with my mom). This time, we've already found a place to live (I'm sitting in our new living room right now) and our jobs were both more than willing (excited, even) to take us back. It is the first thing in a long time, it seems, that has fallen into place easily for us.

Moving at the end of your first trimester is not something I will ever recommend to anyone, but I'm hoping that the end result will be worth it.

number two

2009-05-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't heard already through the grapevine (or facebook) #2 is in the house. Today we saw the bitty bean with a beating heart at 8 weeks 1 day. According to the doctor (the same one who gave us Layla's diagnosis) everything looks "excellent so far." This ultrasound was mostly for dating and peace of mind, but we will be going back in 4 weeks to begin looking for the nitty gritty.

There are lots of other major life changes in the works, but I think I will wait to write about them until there is a more concrete plan in place.

fun with the furkids

2009-04-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

The other night Blockbuster finally had a copy of Bolt, and I think Oliver found his new hero...

Layla in the sand...

2009-03-08T13:50:00.000-07:00

I recently sent Layla's name in to the website To Write Their Names in the Sand.
It was started by someone who had a stillborn son and, after having a dream about him playing on their local white sand beach, she decided to create a memorial for all children who have left this earth by writing their names in the sand there.
Layla's page is here. It was posted yesterday, and makes me equally happy and sad to see her honored there among the ever-growing list of names. You can leave a message on her page if you are interested.

valentine's day

2009-02-15T00:09:00.000-08:00

We have quite the collection of pictures of the dogs doing random things. I just love this one though, it looks like the two of them are dancing and Oliver is striking some dramatic pose.

So Valentine's day is now technically over I guess. I am still waiting for Jesse to get home from work. I remember how we used to try to make a big deal out of the day. A few years back we decided we had to do something, so we ventured out with the intention to have dinner somewhere. It turned into a nightmare of overcrowded restaurants and short tempers, and ultimately an uncomfortable dinner with a table full of strangers at a Japanese place after a 45 minute wait. Yeah. The next year we made a nice dinner at home. Last year, we had an even lower-key dinner in our room (because we had roommates at the time). This year? It barely registered that it was happening, honestly. It all seems so trivial. Not that we are wallowing in sadness or anything. The days are brighter and we carry on like normal, but we are not the same people we were. The last six weeks have changed us profoundly, in ways we could not have imagined were possible. Perhaps most importantly, we have learned that our love is strong, that in the darkest of times, it only burns brighter, becoming the light that guides us through. And even though we may not be buying heart-shaped balloons, that is certainly something worth celebrating.

for some reason...

2009-02-12T18:49:00.000-08:00

It's the dads with little girls that get me the most. Today we were in Target, walking up towards the registers and there was the sweetest little girl, maybe 3 or so, walking with her dad kind of along side of us. She was pointing out Curious George and chattering away, and then she paused and said "I love you daddy."

And those are the kind of moments where I really feel the extent of my heartbreak. We will never get those moments with Layla, and it kills me.

Aside from the little things like this though, I have been doing pretty well. The last month has felt like several years because of how much I've changed as a person, and I'm starting to be able to apply that new perspective to my (our) plans for the future.

In unrelated news, I set up the comments so you don't have to have a blogger account anymore. You just have to click on Name/URL and put in your name. SO if you are reading, you should leave me a note! And if you have had trouble commenting in the past (ahem, Mom) it will be easier now. :)

what not to do

2009-02-06T18:34:00.000-08:00

It is probably not recommended that you wander over to your insurance website only four weeks after the most traumatic experience of your life and look at the claims that have been lining up. Unfortunately, I am a masochist like that. The bills have been trickling in over the last month, and I thought the hospital bill ($2500 after insurance) was actually better than I was hoping. HOWEVER, taking a look at the claims on my insurance site was an eye opener. It seems that every single person to even touch me at the hospital is billing separately, and most of those are bills I haven't seen yet. And it is amazing how much a doctor who was present at the birth for all of 10 minutes can charge. Not to mention my insurance must have changed at some point, because I now pay 30% of office visits instead of a $35 copay. Perinatologists are not cheap either.

I know it could be worse. It is just such a slap in the face (or more like being stabbed in the gut over and over) to have to go through something so intense and terrible and then have to pay more than you can even afford for it. For reference, we were originally going to be paying $1200 out of pocket for all of our prenatal appointments AND the birth. Now we are probably at 3 times that and WE DON'T EVEN GET A BABY OUT OF IT.

Oh the injustice.

I cried for you

2009-02-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

I am pretty sure I could have written this song.
And it has succeeded in making me cry all night. The sadness is weird like that, it comes and goes and changes, and even 4 weeks later it still hurts. Maybe less often, but never any less.

I miss my baby. :(

facelift

2009-02-01T21:01:00.001-08:00

So I fixed up the blog a bit. It's something I've been meaning to do for a long time, but have been too lazy/uninspired, so I've just been using premade templates and things. Well, NO MORE! Isn't it pretty?

I stumbled across the most fantastic new toy today, called Poladroid. Its sole purpose is to turn your fancy digital pictures into replicas of the old fashioned polaroids. I know, absolutely pointless and counter-productive, but somehow still awesome. So! I thought I would share some pictures of our crazy furchildren, old school style.

This first one was taken with my iphone (actually, most of these were) capturing a rare moment of snuggling between the two of them. Yes, they are on the couch (again, most of these they are) and no, they aren't supposed to be. We are suckers, it's true.

More nap time, and yes, that is definitely me passed out on the couch along with Astrid. The best part is that Oliver is also sleeping down by my feet, but that wouldn't fit in the polaroid. (lame

As my mom said, don't you wish we could all be this limber? He slept like this for a very long time.

And last, a random picture of us in San Diego! Made ten times cooler because it is now a polaroid.

In other news, we are doing well. We had a really good day the other day, with lots of talking and more laughing than I have done in a very long time (admittedly, it was with the help of some margaritas) and there is just lots of love in our hearts and potential on the horizon. YAY.

an update, I guess

2009-01-27T20:50:00.000-08:00

It's hard to know what to say here after everything that's happened. I don't want to bore you or burden you with the grief things. There are other places for that. I think I am a little afraid to be completely open about our experience here, because there are so many people in the world that will never walk in our shoes and yet still feel the right to share their opinions. And I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe someday. Maybe someday I will find the right way to share the story in a way that it will open eyes to the many conclusions that we, as humans, jump to.

For now I can tell you that we picked up Layla's ashes today. The funeral home kept calling them "cremains" which I thought sounded odd and almost trendy. Must we always shorten things and create new words out of them? But I guess these people work with death every day. The receptionist was new and had paperwork scattered all over the office when we arrived. She lacked the empathy we had felt from the others at the chapel, shuffling us through the paperwork and practically waving us off with our little white box in hand.

Not that I had wanted to stay long.

Another change of plans: the school thing didn't work out for me this term. I grieved over that for awhile too, but have come to the conclusion that nothing at all, ever, is going to be the same, and I am basically starting over. We'll see what happens. Maybe I don't want to do graphic design anymore. Maybe I do. I am getting a really strong desire to work with children though. Hmm.

I am going back to work next week. I am so incredibly sick of my job (even after a month long hiatus!) so I will be looking for something better. But the job market is looking pretty dim at the moment, so I'm hanging on to what I already have for now.

That's about all I have to update on.

Layla Wren

2009-01-17T19:35:00.000-08:00

Our little Layla Wren was born on January 9th, 2009 at 6:15 pm. She weighed in at only 11 ounces, and was 23 cm long. She was a tiny little image of perfection, with miniature versions of her mom's feet and dad's ears.

You can see a few more pictures from the hospital here.

We are so thankful for everyone's love and support through these last few weeks. We are extremely blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. :)

our sad news

2009-01-07T00:54:00.000-08:00

So, our ultrasound went a little differently than we expected.

We did find out that our baby is a girl. Unfortunately, our girl was also diagnosed with a very severe case of spina bifida. If you don't know (I didn't), spina bifida is a neural tube defect, where the spinal column doesn't close correctly, causing a hole in the spine and therefore nerve damage and other issues like hydrocephalus. It happens in the very early days of pregnancy. It's one of those things that "just happens sometimes" and we happen to be one of the unlucky few.

I am 20 weeks and should be celebrating the halfway point in my pregnancy. Instead, I am sadly preparing for an induction and the loss of our precious baby.

We are feeling very loved and supported through this difficult time. I'm not sure how we would make it otherwise.

it's a baby!

2008-12-15T19:03:00.000-08:00

So I am not the skinniest person on earth, and I definitely didn't feel like I looked pregnant until very recently. And even then, only to myself and maybe Jesse, possibly to some other family members. Tonight though, I put on an old shirt that is now officially too tight, and voila! Little baby bump!

This is probably the only time I will be proud to show off my expanding midsection on the internet. It still feels a little uncomfortable, but there's a baby in there! So it's cool right?

Little baby has also been letting me know that he/she is there recently. There are definite acrobatics going on in there, especially in the evenings. It's such an amazing feeling, even if I am getting beat up from the inside. :)

Our ultrasound is scheduled for December 26th! I really wanted to find out before Christmas, but they didn't have an opening until the day after. We go back and forth about what we think it is, but honestly, all we really want is a healthy baby. I remember people saying that and thinking they must have some kind of preference, but when you're actually growing the baby, it's all that really matters. :)

15 weeks and counting...

2008-11-30T21:46:00.000-08:00

Unbelievably, this week marked 15 weeks with little baby. That means, by the end of next week I will be 4 months pregnant already. We are nearing the halfway point!

The second trimester has brought some relief from the food aversions and tiredness, and I am realizing I must have felt worse in general than I even realized. It couldn't have come at a better time, because my inspiration was starting to suffer, and that isn't good when you are essentially getting an art degree.

We had our second prenatal visit 2 weeks ago, at 13 weeks, and got to hear the little one's heart beating away! There is a video, in case you haven't seen it yet....

It was much slower than at the ultrasound, I think because someone was still sleeping in there. :)

We are coming up on the "big" ultrasound, when we will be able to find out if I am growing a boy or a girl. I'm hoping to schedule it right before Christmas--it will be a good Christmas present to finally know!

Until then, there's not much to report. The belly is starting to expand a little, and I can only imagine it's going to be all downhill from here. :) Not that I mind, I'm totally ready to have a visual reminder of little baby, and especially to start feeling movement. With time going as fast as it is, I won't have long to wait I'm sure!

it's really happening

2008-10-30T19:39:00.000-07:00

So today was the ultrasound! I was a nervous wreck going in. I read way too much and was so scared that there would be no baby there or something wrong. But as soon as we saw the baby, it did a somersault for us! It was dancing all around, waving and kicking like crazy. She actually had a hard time getting it to stop wiggling enough to hear the hearbeat, which was 171 beats per minute.

It was an amazing experience, and wayyy too fast! I think we both could have watched the little bean wiggle around for hours.

Here's baby's first pictures! (you can click to make them bigger)

I told myself that I would not buy anything until I heard the heartbeat, so today the baby got a hat, socks, and a pumpkin costume for next year (which was 50% off!). Can't wait to see the little munchkin again, and find out if "it" is a "he" or "she!"

nine weeks!

2008-10-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

So we've made it to 9 weeks already!
So far, everything seems to be going very well. I have had it pretty easy so far, not too much nausea, but food is currently my worst enemy! I feel the worst when I am hungry, but at that point the thought of almost any food turns my stomach. It's making eating very stressful. I completely despise any sort of meat and everything else sort of depends on the day. It's crazy.
Otherwise I'm just tired and prefer spending my days on the couch whenever possible. Hopefully that will be temporary!
We had our first midwife appointment the other day. It was pretty basic, mostly just talking about how I am feeling and things to be trying to eat. She took 5 or 6 vials of blood (I lost count after about 4) and felt my belly a little. She wasn't sure if she could feel my uterus yet or just my bladder, but I'm pretty sure it's uterus because it feels different to me.
The most exciting part was that we got to schedule an early ultrasound! I am a worrier by nature, so I was very eager to see my baby and get reassurance that it is indeed growing in there. It's not until the 30th, when I will be about 11 weeks, but I can't wait. I think it might feel a little more real after seeing it with my own eyes.

Time is already going by so quickly, I know that this baby will be in my arms sooner than I realize. I can't believe how fast the weeks pass with school and work and everything else to think about.

Speaking of school, it's going well so far. Some days are harder because I am so exhausted and have to fight sleep in class, but overall it's good. Definitely hoping for an energy boost as I get to the second trimester, because the projects just keep piling on. And there are a ton of talented people in my program to keep up with!

Jesse is still working full time at McGrath's. He's very valued there now, and has already been offered a salary position in Washington. Unfortunately we're waiting for an offer a little closer to home.

So, I'll be back in 2 weeks with some baby pictures!

big news for the robersons

2008-09-15T21:54:00.001-07:00

So it looks like we are....

Yes, you read that right! We are shocked too. We found out last week and have been slowly leaking the news to family and friends. This comes as a big surprise to us, but it is a welcome one! We are very excited. It is still very early (see the little floating baby to the right) but so far everything seems to be going well. We have a meeting with a birth center on Friday. Please keep thinking positive thoughts for this little poppy seed, we really want to meet him or her!

Carry On, Carry On

2008-07-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

Today our baby Oliver took his first trip to the vet. He got into some chicken bones this weekend and we saw some blood this morning so we called and they told us to bring him on down. Jesse took him down while I was at work and said he was very good, except he had to carry him inside because he was backing away from the door! They gave him x-rays and all kinds of exams and everything looked okay! It was some very expensive peace of mind, but worth it. They gave us a prescription and a sort of laxative to clean out his intestines of possible bone shards, and just told us to watch him carefully to see if he's getting better. We have to keep him on a bland diet, which he isn't a big fan of--rice and cottage cheese. He keeps looking at me like, "where's the REAL food?" He swallowed his icky pill without any complaints though, and definitely hasn't lost any of his feisty spirit.

We've had a really busy week. Jesse's mom and sisters were in town for a family reunion and baby shower. On Monday we got the sad news that Jesse's great grandma on his dad's side, Nanny (her real name is Violet), had been hospitalized and was estimated to only live about 48 hours. We were able to take a trip to Newport to visit her in the hospital, which was really special. She told me that she loved Jesse and I together. That there is so much love between us. And it's only just beginning. Carry on. Carry on.

And that's what we'll do.

P.S. If you haven't seen it yet, our wedding video is online! I am pretty obsessed with it.

updates

2008-06-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile! I have to admit, I have always been pretty bad with keeping up with these types of things.

On top of that, we have been really busy lately. We both took classes this past term, which just finished up last week (A's all around). Jesse was promoted after only a couple of weeks at his new job...he is now an "associate" at McGrath's, which is sort of replacing their assistant manager position (long story). This is fantastic except he works nearly every night, and I....don't. We have pretty opposite schedules lately, and it's weird not having him around in the evenings. Luckily we now have thursdays and fridays off together, so that helps.

Not much else is going on...I don't even have any pictures to share this time. Hopefully soon!

getting older

2008-05-01T19:39:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this picture the other day, and it made me realize how much we have grown and changed since this day! The past 5 years have gone by FAST, and yet, thinking back, there have been so many challenges we have faced together, so many triumphs, some failures, so many good ideas and bad ones, but overall, just SO much learning.

There was an elderly couple living across the street from us. The husband recently died, and watching the wife carry on without him has been utterly heartbreaking. It's funny how, in marriage, you have a buddy...that person is just always there. I can't imagine the feeling when that person is suddenly gone (at least physically).

I just realized, looking at this picture from Thanksgiving 2004, that I have had that coat almost 4 years. And I wore it today. Yikes.

we're on our way

2008-04-29T19:58:00.001-07:00

Today is Jesse's first day at his new job with McGrath's. I haven't had this much time alone in months, and I can't say that I've spent it very productively. I have, however, gotten this blog up and running and have been working on uploading all the pictures I've been taking lately.

We went to the coast for a few days at the end of this past week. No one was really around my mom's house when we arrived, so Jesse and I packed up the dogs and headed to the beach. It was Oliver's first beach experience and I think it's safe to say he LOVED it. I loved the fact that it was a pretty nice day (a.k.a. NOT RAINING/snowing/hailing...etc.) and there was some pretty cool light for pictures. I really like how most of these turned out! I love this one of the two "children:"

I just think it perfectly depicts their relationship: Astrid is still the more experienced head of the household (so to speak) but Oliver is only a few steps behind her, always.
I'm lucky they were around to take pictures of, they are certainly my best models. :)

If you want to see more of the pictures from our beach day, you can see them here. You can get to all of our photo galleries, as well as our youtube channel (for videos!) by clicking on the links off to your right.

Okay, I'm off to get something done now. :)

the beginning...

2008-04-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

Welcome to our brand new blog! We decided (okay, I decided) it was time to start documenting our life together. Hopefully you can all get some inside scoop on our daily goings-on, as well as see all of our fantastic pictures and videos. (You should be expecting a LOT of doggy content in the very near future.) Hopefully we can actually keep up with this and maybe people will even read it...hmmm lets hope! :)

Aleina