an update, I guess

It's hard to know what to say here after everything that's happened. I don't want to bore you or burden you with the grief things. There are other places for that. I think I am a little afraid to be completely open about our experience here, because there are so many people in the world that will never walk in our shoes and yet still feel the right to share their opinions. And I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe someday. Maybe someday I will find the right way to share the story in a way that it will open eyes to the many conclusions that we, as humans, jump to.

For now I can tell you that we picked up Layla's ashes today. The funeral home kept calling them "cremains" which I thought sounded odd and almost trendy. Must we always shorten things and create new words out of them? But I guess these people work with death every day. The receptionist was new and had paperwork scattered all over the office when we arrived. She lacked the empathy we had felt from the others at the chapel, shuffling us through the paperwork and practically waving us off with our little white box in hand.

Not that I had wanted to stay long.

Another change of plans: the school thing didn't work out for me this term. I grieved over that for awhile too, but have come to the conclusion that nothing at all, ever, is going to be the same, and I am basically starting over. We'll see what happens. Maybe I don't want to do graphic design anymore. Maybe I do. I am getting a really strong desire to work with children though. Hmm.

I am going back to work next week. I am so incredibly sick of my job (even after a month long hiatus!) so I will be looking for something better. But the job market is looking pretty dim at the moment, so I'm hanging on to what I already have for now.

That's about all I have to update on.